I was talking to our amazing minister, Gary Cleveland, the other day and we were talking about our respective "callings": his to preaching and mine to counseling. Some people come to our "Barn Church" and sometimes they may be a little taken back because it doesn't meet their pre-conceived perceptions about "Church". We are a bit "relaxed" at the Oakhaven Church in Oshkosh to say the least. I believe we are still reverent and all those "religious sounding words" and stuff. Yet we are fairly informal and laid back at times--ok, all the time. Yet when we sing together as a church I think the angels listen in.
I don't know if you have ever heard congregational, accapella singing before, and if not, it's hard to beat when all four part harmonies are kickin' in. And then a bunch of guys--definitely "non-clergy" types get up serve communion and share their gifts of teaching, praying and inspiring. And even once in awhile a woman will get up and lead the prayer or read the Bible or do the "announcements" (I wish they also helped in serving communion and blessing us with sermons--but that's just me, and the Lord's still working on some of our old patriarchal ways at the Barn. To me the neatest part of our "assembly time" together is when each and anyone--male, female, child, and visitor--take part in our family prayer time. Then our Minister, Gary, gets up and sits down--he sits on an old stool and shares from his heart what he and the Lord have been preparing all week for us to hear. Gary's "sermons" are real, down-home (sometimes way down home, "Alabama homespun"). Even though he's been up here in Wisconsin since 1976 every once in awhile that good ole boy drawl will come out with a "Goddah" or other "Bama-postulants" or "pontificates".
So what the heck does all this have to do with counseling, anyway? Well, just as people sometimes have pre-conceived perceptions of "Church" and "Worship" we also do the same with "Counseling". All kinds of different visions or phobias of "laying on a couch" or having to share "how do you really FEEL about that" or being psychoanalyzed or taking weird tests and on and on and on. So what is counseling about--really?
Well, personally I don't even like the word "counseling" or to be called a counselor. I use to do a lot of that stuff I wrote about in paragraphs above just like I use to do a lot of "weird stuff" when I was a preacher boy years ago. Oh yeah I'm guilty of it all: death bed invitations, fire and brimstone scare the hell out of folks and syllogisms--silly gezims. Yeah I was trained to use guilt and shame and fear to get people all worked up to "come forward" at the end of the sermon. "Would you all please stand together as we sing "I Will Not Be Moved" or "Why the Heck Not Tonight" (that's when we 'had to go' to night church on Sundays). Lot's of things I once thought or believed as "gospel" had nothing to do with Jesus and a lot to do with religion.
So really, what happens in a counseling session? Well, it's a little like the old joke "How many counselors does it take to change a light-bulb?" Just one, but the light-bulb has to REALLY WANT to change!" I now do what I do a lot differently than I was taught in college just like when I "preach" once in awhile (and they don't let me often--probably a good thing). Just like I REALLY DO try now NOT to use a bunch of "religious" words when I speak--I also try to avoid as much as possible using "counseling" words. Maybe it because for the last 10 years I've been doing mostly group work with a bunch of men who really don't want to be in a room with a bunch of other men who really don't want to be there. I facilitate domestic violence groups which last 44 weeks. The process is taking "abusive, demanding, controlling" men, to "assertive, asking gentle-men". Well, some of them change anyway--like the old joke--those who really want to change.
Instead of thinking of myself as a counselor or a therapist, I'd prefer to think about myself as an advocate And I don't have "clients" or "patients" or "crazies"; I prefer to think of them as "life-connecting-partners". We're all on a journey together, helping each other find our way. That word "advocate" is a really interesting word. In the Bible it is often used of the work of the Holy Spirit. (Jesus said: "But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and remind you of all that I have told you." When He the "advocate" comes, He will guide you into all truth..." And the apostle John even used the word in in 1 John referring to Jesus: "My little children, I'm writing these things to you so that you might not sin. Yet if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father-Jesus Christ, the one who is righteous."
What the word advocate literally means is: "one who walks along side of you" and that is how I view the facilitating I do. I walk along the side of my "fellow travelers" on “The Road Less Traveled". I'd prefer to think of myself as one who reminds us of "stuff we really already know" and I facilitate the process of remembering and reminding and asking.
Sometimes we need to remember some of the hurts that have happened to us or which we have done ourselves. Then it's a matter of talking about them--thinking about them--and deciding how me really want to feel and act in a way that is benifincial to ourselves and to others. That's what I see as being my goal--walking along side of you as you figure out what you need to do to take care of yourself without hurting anyone, including yourself.
And I believe it's ok to have fun on this journey. Oh sure sometimes it may get a bit "heavy" and that's why there is someone there to help carry the load--and I'm not talking just about me--that other Advocate who really knows what He's doing is there traveling with us. And neither you nor I could do the work we need to do if God isn't present.
So, I hope this helps a bit when you think about counseling. It really is about making the right connections in this life and I believe also in the next life as well. Jesus said:
Mat 11:28 "Come to me, all of you who are weary and loaded down with burdens, and I will give you rest.
Mat 11:29 Place my yoke on you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Mat 11:30 For my yoke is pleasant, and my burden is light."
It's scary sometimes because of the way we think about it. If we can learn to "think about it differently" it will become less scary and more restful.
Check out the Website: http://www.lifeconnectionsinc.com and see and hear the new stuff I've added. This website, like our lives, is a continual work in process--one step at a time.
"Shalom"
